I CAN MOONWALK!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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