the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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