Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
