I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
