a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
