just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
