oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
