After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
PANTIES FOUND
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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