the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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