That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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