i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
