I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
