the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
