garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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