I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
