the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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