see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
