would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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