I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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