Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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