I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have started to decorate penises.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
