I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
