the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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