you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
