Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I look better un-naked...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
