I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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