apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize