Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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