Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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