if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
