dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
