You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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