pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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