It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
