If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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