Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
