shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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