happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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