I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
