oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
