the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
