Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
