He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
