just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
