you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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