someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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