Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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