im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize