I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
