It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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