first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
