I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
