Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
