i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
