I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
