Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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