I feel like abortions should bother me more
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
