dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
