it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
