Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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