whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
