My girlfriend figured out who you are.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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