So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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