Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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